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DisputedCommonly credited to Cary Grant; the attribution does not hold up.
“To all of you out there who do not know me, I wish you a Merry Christmas, and to all of you who do know me, I ask, ‘What the hell were you thinking?’”
On the attribution
There is no record of Grant delivering any Christmas message containing this line, in any speech, broadcast, or interview. The joke's construction belongs to later stand-up comedy, not to anything he is known to have said.
On the same subject.
“Old Cary Grant fine. How you?”
Cary Grant · 1959
“I refuse to discuss my private life and my friendships and my family, present, past and future.”
Cary Grant · 1961
“It took time to be accepted; it almost took twenty years until I got to be like a well-advertised brand of tea. Housewives bought that kind rather than take a chance on a brand they are not familiar with.”
Cary Grant · 1961
“Because I just went GAY all of a sudden!”
Cary Grant as David Huxley · 1938