The Quotebook
On living.
Formulas, luck, and a deliberately unhelpful answer to the question of how.
Asked for wisdom, Grant usually declined to supply it. The deflections are more characteristic than any statement of philosophy, and better company.
The lines.
46 quotationsVerified
“I suppose the fact is I love feeling free inside even better than I love you, Julia.”
Verified
“Elsie Mendl was a great friend of mine for many, many years. And I remember the creed by which she lived: Never complain, never explain.”
Verified
“Do not blame others for your own mistakes... YOU are Mother Nature. You have the power within you to be thin or fat, as you desire.”
Cary Grant · 1964 · interview · Motion Picture
On self-discipline, a subject he returned to often.
'Love – That's All Cary Grant Ever Thinks About,' Motion Picture, June 1964.
Attributed
“At last I am close to happiness and to being a real, actual person.”
Verified
“Sure it was your fault. You were gonna have dinner with him, the Dutchman hired him, I sent him up on schedule, the fog came in, a tree got in the way. All your fault. Forget it.”
Cary Grant as Geoff Carter · 1939 · film · Only Angels Have Wings (1939)
Carter absolves Bonnie of a pilot's death by pretending to blame her.
Spoken as Geoff Carter in Only Angels Have Wings (1939).
Disputed
“I made a lot of mistakes out of loneliness. Consequently, I know a great deal about it.”
Disputed
“I was a failure as a boy and became a success as a man because I always was and always will be Archibald Alexander Leach, only I became better at hiding it than he ever could.”
Verified
“I learned that you appreciate work most while you’re at leisure, and leisure while you’re at work. It’s like being married or single. You can’t be both at the same time.”
Disputed
“Everybody thinks I’m relaxed. I’ve spent my whole life tense.”
Verified
“No money, no material reward is comparable to the praise, the shouts of well done and accompanying pat on the back of one’s fellowman.”
Cary Grant · 1963 · memoir · Ladies' Home Journal
Recalling schoolboy applause, and the applause that followed it for the rest of his life.
Ladies' Home Journal, autobiographical series, 1963.
Verified
“I did quit once for 18 months. I can’t say I was bored, never have been. But I just wasn’t as interested in life. During my retirement I had the time to indulge in some long, long thoughts about myself, my work, my marriages. Did I find any answers? I don’t know.”
Cary Grant · 1961 · essay · Films and Filming
On an earlier withdrawal from filmmaking.
'What it Means to be a Star,' Films and Filming, July 1961.
Verified
“I’ve been called the longest lasting young man about town. It’s ridiculous for a man in his ’fifties: but then until thirty-five a man is often a self-centered idiot. After 35, he should try to begin to make more sense. I know I was impossible before 35; I’m hardly possible now.”
Verified
“I often think my life has been a failure. But whenever I drop into a theater and hear women laugh at one of my films, I think, well, if I brightened their day before they went home and did the dishes, maybe my life wasn’t wasted, after all.”
Verified
“Anyone can do well... It’s all out there waiting for you to take. But first you must reach out and get it. You must work for your riches. You cannot expect it to fall into your lap.”
Attributed
“I’m not at all proud of my marriage record, but I have wanted a family for years, and I finally have it.”
Verified
“In about a week, you’ll either collect or lose your shirt.”
Cary Grant as Geoff Carter · 1939 · film · Only Angels Have Wings (1939)
Gallows humour after a fatal crash.
Spoken as Geoff Carter in Only Angels Have Wings (1939).
Verified
“The world is changing out there. There’s a lot of new, exciting ideas running around. Some of them might be right and some might be cockeyed, but they’re affecting all our lives.”
Verified
“There must be something between us, even if it’s only an ocean.”
Cary Grant as Nickie Ferrante · 1957 · film · An Affair to Remember (1957)
Ferrante on the distance he is trying to keep.
Spoken as Nickie Ferrante in An Affair to Remember (1957).
Verified
“The world changes, but two things remain constant: youth and beauty. They’re really one and the same thing. Not everybody — the only people who grow old were born old to begin with.”
Cary Grant as Dudley · 1947 · film · The Bishop's Wife (1947)
Dudley on ageing, spoken by an actor who would be accused of never doing it.
Spoken as Dudley in The Bishop's Wife (1947).
Verified
“Don’t go to extremes. Don’t hate too much and don’t love too much. Try to live somewhere in the middle... It is peaceful in the middle. You won’t be hurt in the middle.”
Verified
“I want to know how I stand, where I fit into the picture, what it’s all going to mean to me. I can’t find that out sitting behind some desk in an office, so as soon as I get enough money together, I’m gonna knock off for a while.”
Cary Grant as Johnny Case · 1938 · film · Holiday (1938)
Johnny Case explains the holiday of the title — an argument Grant himself would make about his own retirement thirty years later.
Spoken as Johnny Case in Holiday (1938).
Verified
“I’ll beg, I’ll borrow, I’ll — please, Judge, I’ll sell anything I’ve got until I get going again. And she’ll never go hungry, she’ll never be without clothes, not so long as I’ve got two good hands, so help me!”
Cary Grant as Roger Adams · 1941 · film · Penny Serenade (1941)
Roger Adams pleads with a judge not to take his adopted daughter. The scene brought Grant his first Academy Award nomination.
Spoken as Roger Adams in Penny Serenade (1941).
Verified
“I really am a happy, amusing fellow at heart. Trouble is I seem the only one left.”
Verified
“It is the law of life that if you are kind to someone you feel happy. If you are cruel you are unhappy. And if you hurt someone, you will be hurt back.”
Cary Grant · 1964 · interview · Motion Picture
On his personal code.
'Love – That's All Cary Grant Ever Thinks About,' Motion Picture, June 1964.
Verified
“I never dwell on past mistakes… There is too much to plan for the future to waste time complaining.”
Cary Grant · 1964 · interview · Motion Picture
On looking forward after three divorces.
'Love – That's All Cary Grant Ever Thinks About,' Motion Picture, June 1964.
Verified
“My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.”
Verified
“Probably no greater honour can come to any man than the appreciation and respect of his fellow workers.”
Attributed
“Ah, beware of snobbery; it is the unwelcome recognition of one’s own past failings.”
Attributed
“I’d rather be a happy man than a great actor.”
Cary Grant · 1966 · interview
On his decision to leave the screen while still in demand.
Attributed
“I’ve had a wonderful and I hope not too unusual life. I’ve had a lot of luck.”
Cary Grant · 1983 · stage appearance
On his career, from the conversation evenings he toured in the 1980s.
Verified
“I’m opposed to actors taking sides in public and spouting spontaneously about love, religion or politics.”
Attributed
“The most difficult thing in the world is to relate to a woman as an equal, and it took me a very long time.”
Verified
“Actually, it was Bobby who would do that, and frequently he would put the President on, which was quite a joy for me. Those men were brought up watching our movies, and they felt friendliness toward movie stars of our generation.”
Verified
“As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten much more tolerant of my fellow man and I make less demands on people in general. Perhaps I’m more inclined to let Jennifer find her own way than a younger father would be.”
Cary Grant · 1986 · interview · The Dallas Morning News
On becoming a father late in life.
Philip Wuntch, "A Few Words with Cary Grant", The Dallas Morning News, 20 March 1986.
Verified
“I consider faith properly injected into a patient as effective in maintaining life as adrenaline, and a belief in miracles has been the difference between living and dying as often as any surgeon’s scalpel.”
Dr. Noah Praetorius · 1951 · film · People Will Talk (1951)
Praetorius defends his unconventional bedside manner at a hearing into his methods.
Screen dialogue, spoken by Dr. Noah Praetorius in People Will Talk (1951).
Verified
“I don’t approve of, but I like people who think in terms of ideal conditions. They’re the dreamers, poets, tragic figures in this world, but interesting.”
Leopold Dilg · 1942 · film · The Talk of the Town (1942)
Dilg muses on idealists during a fireside debate with Lightcap.
Screen dialogue, spoken by Leopold Dilg in The Talk of the Town (1942).
Attributed
“I took LSD with the hope it would make me feel better about myself. I wanted to rid myself of all my hypocrisies.”
Verified
“In all cases, the most reliable style is in the middle of the road — a thoughtful sensible position in any human behavior.”
Verified
“It’s a conspiracy, I tell you. The minute you start they put you on the all-American sucker list. You start out to build a home and wind up in the poorhouse.”
Jim Blandings · 1948 · film · Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)
Blandings rants about the escalating cost of building his house in Connecticut.
Screen dialogue, spoken by Jim Blandings in Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948).
Verified
“Jennifer is studying how to be happy in this life. She’s well-adjusted, she doesn’t smoke or drink, and I think she’s absolutely perfect.”
Cary Grant · 1986 · interview · The Dallas Morning News
On his twenty-year-old daughter.
Philip Wuntch, "A Few Words with Cary Grant", The Dallas Morning News, 20 March 1986, on his daughter Jennifer, then a student at Stanford.
Attributed
“Jennifer is the best production I ever made.”
Cary Grant · interview
On his only child, born in 1966.
Much repeated and entirely consistent with his recorded remarks about his daughter, but no dated primary publication has been established.
Verified
“The deaths of Grace and Ingrid hit me hard. Especially Grace’s because it was so horribly, horribly unexpected. And I think Grace was possibly the finest actress I ever worked with. Forgive me, Ingrid, Kate, Audrey and all the others. But Grace had something extraordinary.”
Attributed
“There’s no point in being unhappy about growing older. Just think of the millions who have been denied the privilege.”
Verified
“What is the law? It’s a gun pointed at somebody’s head. All depends upon which end of the gun you stand, whether the law is just or not.”
Leopold Dilg · 1942 · film · The Talk of the Town (1942)
The fugitive Dilg argues legal philosophy with the punctilious Professor Lightcap while hiding in his house.
Screen dialogue, spoken by Leopold Dilg in The Talk of the Town (1942).
Attributed
“When I go to see her, the minute I get there I start clearing my throat.”
Verified
“You don’t belong with a grifter like me. You just got some mud on your dress, that’s all. Give it time, let it dry. It’ll brush off.”
Joe Adams · 1943 · film · Mr. Lucky (1943)
The con man Joe Adams warns Captain Steadman away from himself as he begins to change under her influence.
Screen dialogue, spoken by Joe Adams in Mr. Lucky (1943).